Kingdom Abuse Survivors Project

Hi Tracey,
It is a shock to find myself on this website. Each time i do something like this it is a further acknowledgement of the bad things that went on many years ago when i was small.
It is good to have people out there. colin

Meeeoowww

Hi kirsty sorry to hear what your ex boyfriend did to you, never blame yourself it was not your fault.
I hope in time your emotional pain will fade
I hope everything with your fiance goes well, it does not matter that you only told him 6 months ago, It was a very difficult thing to say, so i hope he is supportive of you.
Talking about it help sometimes as it helps you deal with it,
Take care of yourself in time your pain will heal.

Meeeoowww

Hi colin44
I hope that your are fine, yes it can be very difficult comming on sites like this, but sometimes it is good to get the pain out, or be able to talk with other survivor‘s I hope in time your pain will ease.
Take care

Meeeoowww

I was abused when i was 10 by a family friend which i have managed to block out till now until last year when everything went from bad to worse. It‘s really hard as i have kept it a secret for so long and no-one else in my family knows apart from him. I see him quite regulary which makes it harder. My mood swings are so bad i‘m angry at everyone. I just can‘t see the light at the end of the tunnel but for the sake of my little girl there has to be hope.

Meeeoowww

Hi,
What a nice welcome and to know someone is there. I was abused as a young child, 6 i think when it started and I can‘t remember how old I was when it stopped! Probably 10 or 11. Is that normal to forget something so important?
I didn‘t know until recently that he had abused many other people in the family when they were young. if I had known I would have spoken out (I think) but I was too scared as he made lots of threats to me. he was my grandad. I didnt deal with it well when I was a teenager, cutting myself and stuff but thought I had learned to cope by myself. That is until recently when someone found out, confronted him and its now all blown open. I don‘t know where to turn now. I had only told my partner for the 1st time a year ago and only a few details. My partner is very supportive but i need help i no i do. that was the one and only person i ever told.
Now tho, it is chewing me up inside at times. especially since I have been told when he was confronted he laughed and listed us saying this one was ok and that one was a fighter and this one was good! Can you believe it? he is not woried anyone goes to police cos he says he will probably be dead by the time it goes to court as he is elderly now. I still want him punished but nobody else in the family wants anything done about it. It has totally blown the family apart. My dad who has only just found out is now very ill and I have been told by someone else he is so ill and in a state about it it would kill him if it continues. So altho I want this thing cos thats wot he is punished I cant now because of my dad.
he always pretended to be so holy and went to church all the time. that is how i knew no-one would believe me. but he used lots of threats too.
I write loads of leters to him then rip them up. I know there is someone else in the family helping and protecting him for some weird reason and now gets the mail for him. i did send one letter but i dont know if he got it.
i have children who are grown up now but i protected them from him never leaving them and always warned them never to trust anyone no matter who if they touch or hurt them in a way they don‘t want. and always to tell me anything that i would alwys believe them and be there for them. now my daughter has told me she will never speak to me again if i go to police because everybody will find out.
I hurt like anything at times then it seems to go away then comes flooding back and I find myself crying like a baby!
I kep trying to work out things like ages and places and altho i know lots of places some are muddled with my ageat the time and how can this be right because he did not live there when i was that age but i can see it so clearly in my minds eye. is this right? Am I totally losing it. Sometimes I think its a nightmare and it cant have happened cos he was so holy and because i cant put my age correctly.
I am so sorry if i have put this in the wrong place.

love, Stardust

Meeeoowww

Hello
I am new to the forum so I am a little frightened. I don‘t know where to start. It happened to me all through my childhood. Now that I am 30 I struggle with flashbacks and am often confussed with right and wrong cause it was used as a punishment and a present at good times. Does anyone understand what I am saying.

Meeeoowww

my problems are pale in comparision to yours but do not let your daughter rule your train of thought by threats I have a daughter just like that and if she was in my way I would walk over her to get to the truth it never happened to her so she as no right to say how I should deal with it and neither should your daughter. The fact that someone go,s to church every week will not make them a good person, and in my view and experiances in life they are the ones to watch.
have churchy folk in my family and they are the ones that have caused the most bother over the years. It is very hard for someone who as been abused by family members to get someone they trust within the family to believe them in my case Imy parents were both dead before I found out about other members of my family being abused by a half brother I want justice but not sure I will get It.
But as far as my half brother is concerned see my post if he is dead I hope it was long and painful and he died screaming in pain
Not sure if I have been any help to you but we are all here for the same reasons and every little bit helps. Good luck

Meeeoowww